My Friend's Big Fat Greek Wedding and My Mother

My poor mother, who is on the verge of giving up on my ever getting married, has decided to drive me crazy by taking over one of my oldest friend's weddings...or at least my participation in it. First there was the mother of the bride, now I give you mother of the koumbara.

My job in this wedding, is essentially: to buy a bunch of accoutrement needed for the service, make sure the crowns don't fall of during the wedding, make sure the bride doesn't trip on her dress during the "first steps as man and wife" and facilitate the exchanging of rings, which in a Greek wedding is (needlessly, if you ask me) complicated.

Battle One between my mother and I began over the crowns, which she insisted must be all white and which I said come in as many different choices now as wedding dresses and she needed to stop being old fashioned. After conferring with the bride, I picked one that I thought was pretty and matched the bride's dress, which isn't white.

Battle Two now rages for the candles. I bought the small beeswax candles, because I thought there was no point in wasting money and wax on the large candles, since all the bride is going to do is trash the candles after the wedding or stick them in a drawer never to be seen or heard from again.

My mother, however, has polled the ladies of the church and come back with the demand that I go by the large candles because "it looks better." Or something like that. I have yet to decide what to do on the candle situation.

Coinciding with Battle Two was Battle Three over the gift I was going to buy the bride and groom. I hadn't actually decided since I haven't been to the store yet (this wedding is in May), but it turns out my mother has already gone and bought a gift from me and had it sent to the bride - a china place setting. A very unlike-me gift, which the bride will immediately know came from my mother, who also bought the exact same gift on behalf of herself and my father.

Sunday night, on the phone, after the latest candle fight, I asked if she wanted to be the koumbara, instead. Now she is acting like her feelings are hurt.

All of this has reinforced my decision that should I ever get married, it will be in Vegas.

Workers of the World...uh, we don't need you anymore, but here's a ham and thanks for your soul

This is getting depressing. A round up:

1)The New Hampshire Union Leader, the largest newspaper in the state, is looking to cut its payroll by 9% and is offering employees a voluntary buyout plan in an effort to avoid layoffs.

"We need to get our numbers in line in order to build for the future," Union Leader publisher Joseph McQuaid said in a story carried in Wednesday's edition of the newspaper. "A changing retail market and changes in how some consumers get their news and information requires us to rethink how we do business."

McQuaid declined to comment beyond the statement in the paper.

The New Hampshire Union Leader and Sunday News have more than 300 full-time employees. Pending agreement with their unions, all full-time employees would be eligible to submit buyout requests.

The papers are owned by a nonprofit organization, the Nackey S. Loeb School of Communications. Loeb, who died in 2000, was the papers' publisher.

Newspapers across the country have been cutting staff and other expenses in recent months in an effort to remain profitable in the face of rising costs, declining circulation and stagnating growth in their main source of revenue -- advertising -- as more readers and advertisers move to the Internet.

The Union Leader's average weekday circulation declined 2.8% in the six-month period ending in September to 57,753, according to the most recent report by the Audit Bureau of Circulations.

2) The New York Times Company's order cutting 160 positions in its New England group, announced in September, is heading to that goal, with 115 buyouts approved so far at The Boston Globe, Worcester Telegram & Gazette and Globe Specialty Products, Globe Publisher Richard Gilman announced today in a memo to staffers.

"These difficult decisions have been triggered by our need to respond to a rapidly changing media landscape, and put us in a stronger financial position to pursue our goals in 2006 and the years ahead," Gilman wrote.


3)In am memo to staffers at her paper late Tuesday, Kathy Waltz, publisher of the Orlando Sentinel, described how the previously announced job cuts broke down as the dust settled. In the end, the paper lost 54 positions in the general Tribune Co. cutbacks, with 33 being open positions, plus 21 layoffs. "Never before has our industry faced greater changes than we do today," Waltz said.

Nearly 2,000 newspaper jobs have been eliminated in 2005.

Ashley Allen, a Sentinel spokeswoman, told the Associated Press that some of cuts "did include some newsroom staff members. The small work force reduction [about 20 positions]a little over a year ago was mostly people on the business side."


4)It has not been a kind year for the newspaper industry.

With costs rising and circulation on the decline, newspaper companies have responded by trimming a considerable portion of their staffs this year. A review of past news reports offers up a startling number: more than 1,900 jobs have been cut from major and mid-sized newspapers over the past year. That figure does not include cuts at many smaller papers that don't often garner the same headlines.

The downsizing began in January with acquisition-related cuts at The Herald-Sun in Durham, N.C., and Dow Jones' Consumer Electronic Publishing group. The latest cuts came yesterday, as several of the Tribune Co.'s newspapers announced new plans to cut costs. In between, Knight Ridder's San Jose Mercury News cut close to 16% of its newsroom staff, while the Houston Chronicle trimmed about 7% of its total workforce.

The New York Times Co. raised eyebrows in September when it announced it was cutting 500 jobs across the company, including 45 newsroom positions at its flagship New York Times. Just four months earlier the company announced plans to shed 190 jobs across all divisions.

While no number will be entirely precise, a conservative estimate puts the total loss of newspaper jobs around 1,900 on the year. Below is a list of the major job cuts since Jan. 1, 2005:

2005 NEWSPAPER CUTS

TRIBUNE
PAPER # OF CUTS
Newsday 49
Hartford Courant 14
Baltimore Sun 75
LA Times 85
Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.) 12
Daily Press (Newport News, Va.) 8
Chicago Tribune 100
Newsday TBD
Orlando Sentinel 54



NEW YORK TIMES CO.
PAPER # OF CUTS
NY Times 125
NEMG 65
NY Times 250
NEMG 160
Regional Media Group 80



KNIGHT RIDDER
PAPER # OF CUTS
Philadelphia Inquirer 75
Philadelphia Daily News 25
San Jose Mercury News 52



HEARST
PAPER # OF CUTS
SF Chronicle 120
Houston Chronicle 125



OTHERS
PAPER # OF CUTS
The (Durham, N.C.) Herald-Sun/Paxton 81
Seattle Times 99
Dow Jones Consumer Electronic Publishing 97
Boston Herald/Herald Media 35
Green Bay News-Chronicle/Gannett 14
St. Louis Post-Dispatch/Lee 130
Birmingham (Ala.) Post-Herald/Scripps 43

News DIY-Style

We've just started this at my place of employment, announced at the same time as a goodly number of layoffs.

Now you too can be a reporter. No experience needed!



New Desk in the Newsroom: The Citizen Editor's
With citizen journalism a bona fide new trend in the newspaper business, it's time to consider what the job is, what skills are necessary, and who'd be good at it.

By Steve Outing

BOULDER, Colo. (May 26, 2005) -- Clear out some more office space in the newsroom. Knock out a wall. Buy some new desks.

Make room for the new citizen editor(s).

We have a bona fide news-industry trend in "citizen journalism" -- the notion that it's an admirable thing and in a news organization's self-interest to encourage members of the public to participate in news publishing. News Web sites and initiatives in newsrooms are asking citizens (that is, the audience) to contribute not only their opinions but even to submit their own personal "news." The theory is that this citizen content and enhanced interaction complement professional journalism.

Citizen-journalism initiatives are popping up over the place at newspapers. And even if those publishers plying these uncharted waters are still a small minority, the trend is unmistakable.

Ergo, there's a new position opening up in some newsrooms: the citizen editor. While their ranks are small now, they are certain to grow in number. Journalism graduates seeking work in the field in the years ahead well may choose traditional reporting and editing, or veer toward the newer and very different line of editing the work of citizen journalists. Traditional journalists seeking new challenges or a change in work routine will have another option.

Like no other job

What exactly is a "citizen editor"? "In a lot of ways, it's unlike any other job in the newsroom," says Rich Gordon, chair of Newspapers and New Media at Northwestern University's Medill School and the faculty advisor for GoSkokie.com, an experimental student-run citizen-journalism website set up to serve the city of Skokie, Ill. "The job isn't to find stuff out and package it; it's to solicit other people to provide information and encourage interactivity among your [online] users."

In other words, you can't just build a citizen-journalism Web site and expect people to find it and start submitting amateur content in droves. It takes, typically, a committed and energetic citizen editor (or staff of editors) to go out and promote the site and make it visible; to encourage community members to submit their information and news; to educate them on what kind of content they can contribute and why they would want to; and to watch community news and happenings and recruit participants to submit words or images covering them.

Then there's the job of monitoring citizen content. Most citizen-journalism sites operate with the model that citizen contributions are published unedited -- warts and all. Others exert more control, with editors doing some surface editing -- fixing obvious errors, watching for potential libel problems and dealing with them, etc. But even with no editing allowed, someone with sound publishing and journalism judgment still, ideally, needs to be keeping an eye on what's going online, pulling the plug on stuff that's objectionable or violates a site's terms of service, and responding to reader complaints about objectionable content.

And design and news judgment are big parts of the job. Someone needs to be in place to identify the best of citizen contributions and package that on the home page or section front. Citizen journalists need not have any formal journalism training or background, but it sure helps for the citizen editor to have that.

A C-J staff builds in the Rockies

At the Rocky Mountain News in Denver, a Scripps newspaper, a citizen-journalism site debuted about a month ago. YourHub.com is comprised of about 40 Web sites, each covering a city or town in the Denver metro area. Content is a mix of contributions from community members, the occasional staff-written story, and hand-picked links to other publications' articles about YourHub.com cities.

What may strike you as remarkable (it did me) is that in these early days, the site has a staff of 11 full-time editors. Led by managing editor Travis Henry, YourHub employs one "community editor," one "producer," four "community journalists," and four "community assistants." They are responsible for producing not only the 40 community Web sites that are part of YourHub.com, but also 15 zoned print editions featuring the best content from the sites, which are inserted into the newspaper.

Henry says the staff is a mix of seasoned journalists and recent journalism graduates. Some have worked for daily and weekly newspapers, in radio, and in media/public relations. Community assistant Kevin Hamm, who has a journalism degree, has a resume that includes bookstore manager, mortgage banker, ski bum, and stay-at-home dad. Everyone on the staff has some sort of journalism background.

Henry acknowledges that the jobs in his department are different than the traditional, and describes them as a cross between doing journalistic tasks like editing and design and marketing the site in order to recruit community content contributors.

A big part of working for YourHub.com is acting in an "ambassador" role, he says, not solely as a journalist. That means encouraging people to submit content. For example, an editor might note that a community event is taking place and contact the organizers to urge that they submit text or photographs (or request that of event participants). A story might run where a community journalist or assistant adds a call for readers to add what they know about the topic or event, expanding on the original story.

YourHub.com editors also write for the site on occasion, acting as "citizen reporters" themselves (albeit paid) -- even using the same publishing interface to file a story as do community members. It might surprise you to know that such staff articles are edited before publication. Citizen articles, on the other hand, are left untouched -- except for some minor spelling and grammar editing (or occasional cuts due to space limitations) on articles to be included in the zoned print editions.

An appealing job?

Will classically trained journalists find such work appealing? "I would hope so," says Henry, whose resume includes stints in writing and editing at a number of Colorado weekly and daily newspapers. What's exciting about the new citizen-journalism field, he thinks, is the chance to tap the power of grassroots journalism -- to be in on the ground floor of what could be an important component of the future of journalism.

Some journalists look at these citizen-editor jobs and decide that they're not appealing because there's no writing, reporting, or actual content creation involved -- just working with amateur writers and photographers, educating them, and packaging what they produce. But that's not necessarily the case.

Henry's community editors at YourHub.com do get to write, and this "staff-written citizen journalism" is included in the editorial mix of the site. He wonders if as the site grows to the point where citizen contributions are coming in at a healthy clip and less aggressive marketing is necessary to solicit submissions, the site's editors will be able to spend more time writing and creating themselves.

YourHub.com operates under the model of an independent news entity. (Its staff is located on the first floor of the Rocky Mountain News building; the newspaper staff is two floors up.) While Henry admits that in the site's young life it hasn't happened yet, he expected that community members occasionally will "scoop" the newspaper and its Web site. Indeed, when that happens, he says, YourHub.com will be the first venue of publication -- not the Rocky Mountain News' site, nor the print edition.

Of course, there's not yet one, single model for citizen journalism. Not all sites will take the hands-off editing approach, which means that for some operations the role of citizen editor will involve more traditional line editing; the job will be more like conventional editing, but with a different flavor of reporter to work with.

Creativity required

Where does citizen content come from? There are many possibilities, and figuring them out requires creativity on the citizen editor's part, says Mark Potts, co-founder of Backfence.com, an independent citizen-journalism Web site service that recently debuted its first two community sites in the Virginia suburbs of Washington, D.C. Potts is another classically trained journalist; he was one of the original founders of washingtonpost.com a decade ago.

If someone has posted an intriguing calendar event, he suggests, then the citizen editor might follow up and suggest that the person write up a text report and submit photos when the event happens. The citizen editor might visit local high schools and convince a coach or player to submit reports from games that otherwise go uncovered by traditional local media outlets.

A public affairs specialist for a police department inquired to Backfence.com about a spot for officers to place their content. Now that could result in some compelling and interesting content being submitted. Or perhaps the manager of a taxi company could be encouraged to get drivers to submit stories. It's all about being creative.

The citizen editor, Potts says, is not at all like a traditional line-editing role. Rather, it's a sort of "weird" version of being an assignment editor -- one with an unpaid "staff" that comes and goes, that comprises people from all walks of life, some of whom can write and tell stories, and some who may struggle at that and need guidance.

Another misconception about citizen editing is that the content you'll get to work with will be mostly dreck. But Backfence.com's experience is contrary to that notion. "The content we've received [so far] is better than what you'd expect," says Potts. Non-journalists "can write," he says -- "not in the classic journalism style, but it is readable, and it's not written in third-grade language."

In other words, get rid of the old thinking that only trained journalists can tell stories. Accept the notion that people at the grassroots level have lots to communicate and offer, and help them do that. Then you will be a competent citizen editor.

What's required

What does it take to be a citizen editor? Everyone I spoke to for this column suggested that being young helps. "I bet some younger journalists will find this to be really interesting, because they've grown up with the Web," says Dan Gillmor, a well-known blogger and technology columnist who wrote the book "We the Media" and recently left traditional journalism to found a citizens-media start-up, Grassroots Media Inc. A younger mindset might find it easier to accept the concept that the conversations generated by citizen media can be as interesting as anything else that a news organization does.

Gillmor also suggests that while journalism skills and background are helpful in filling the role of citizen editor, they are not mandatory; non-journalists indeed might excel in such jobs. And understanding of and experience in online communities could be extremely valuable to any citizen-journalism operation, so publishers might be wise to seek out such experience when hiring.

On a more practical level, everyone involved in these early days of citizen journalism can benefit from basic computer and Internet skills. The job of citizen editor typically means lots of production work, and the technology skills and understanding to know how to make a citizens-media site evolve and grow to meet the demands of the citizen journalists who use it. YourHub.com's Henry ranks computer skills at the top of his list of requirements in hiring.

Good editing skills are highly prized. The citizen editor's job is, in part, to select the best citizen submissions and highlight them, so the the ability to write good headlines is a major plus. And for those sites that do edit citizen submissions, basic line-editing skills are a must.

Marketing skills and understanding also are crucial. As Potts suggests, citizen editors need to be out in the community, talking to community leaders and members, constantly promoting their site. And they must work closely with ad and marketing people on the staff. Citizen journalism has an unproven business model, so everyone must chip in to make it work.

And because citizen journalism goes so deep into the community, citizen editors will do best if they have intimate knowledge of the community. It helps to know the people and location. I wonder, then, if citizen-editor jobs might best be given to local candidates, rather than to outsiders who move to a city to take a new job.

Your new career?

If you believe that citizen journalism has a future (and count me as one who does), this is a good time to enter the field. These are the early days of what many believe represent the start of a revolution in journalism.

The jobs are just now starting to appear. Good luck.

**

Steve Outing (steve@poynter.org) has covered the online news industry for E&P since August 1995. He is also senior editor at the Poynter Institute for Media Studies.

Dadadum, Dadachum

I know it's not the end of the week, when I usually write, and I've only watched four episodes of Homicide: Life on the Streets and no movies. But I have finished one book and the end of that book and the beginning of its sequel is the reason I'm writing today.

Today is a very sad day for me...oh my god! It's the 19th!!!! It's the 19th!!!!.....oh. Yeah, uhm. Well, that's a reference only people who have read the series will get. Let's just pretend none of this happened and move quickly on.

As I was saying this is a very sad day as it marks my beginning the final book in Stephen King's Dark Tower series, a series that I have now been reading for almost 20 years. (If I actually counted, I'd probably find that it was exactly 19 years.) If we're being honest with ourselves - and if you can't be honest on the Internet, then let's face it, where can honesty be found? - it is mostly HIS fault that it's taken me this long, because it took him so damn long to finish his seven-book opus. But it's also a little my fault as I was slower returning to the series once he did finish it. And I had to go back and re-read the first four books because I'd pretty much forgotten everything about them, except for: 1) A few moments (not even whole scenes) that were un-naturally vivid, and 2) That I loved those books more than anything else he has written...more than most books I've read, actually. I even named one of my dogs Roland, after the gunslinger, the main character.

So today I begin The Dark Tower, book seven of the series that bears the same name and it makes me so excited, and at the same time so sad to think this story is finally coming to a close. But as he says himself in the opening words to the Constant Reader,not even Stephen King can make something last forever.

I know that I can always reread a book and I actually have several months of reading ahead of me (the book weighs a ton). And I also know it's silly to feel this way about fictional characters. But at times fiction can move me more than the world around me and the characters share intimate thoughts that real people never do. I'll be melancholy for a while, but like with the real world, eventually I'll move on. There's a nice John Berendt book of reality waiting for me when this is done and after that, who knows.

My Continent, 'Tis of Who?

Number of movies seen since last blog: Uh, I lost count at 10.
Number of Law & Order: CI episodes watched in last two weeks: 8
Number of geographic blunders made this week: 41
Number of books purchased: 2: "The City of Falling Angels" by John Berendt and "The Dark Tower" (does it have to end?) by Stephen King
Number of books read: hahahahahahahaha


And the question of the day comes to us not from history, but another area close to the American Idiot's heart - geography. And that question is: Is Central America part of North or South America?

I, growing up in America the way I did, assumed the only countries in North America were Canada and the U.S. Then a few years ago I shockingly learned that Mexico [insert studio audience gasps here] was also part of our continent and that English as a national language was not actually a pre-req for being part of good ole Norte America. But wait, my shock grew when earlier this year I found out that GREENLAND (which is not actually a country) is also part of N.A.

Well today came a crucial questions from one of my co-workers, "Is Central America part of North America?" A fierce battle of words broke out between reporters (who are not known for their fist fighting). They all immediately drew their Associated Press stylebooks, Webster's dictionaries or World Almanacs - depending on their poison of choice - and started flipping. As it turned out that while these periodicals are fine on the spelling of countries names, whether it's email or e-mail and major exports of Belize, they could tell us nothing about anything we'd actually be looking up.

Finally someone broke out an atlas, which put Central America solidly in the America of the North. There were some nasty words exchanged and some people switched sides, pretending they knew all along that Central America was part of the continent of North America. A few people still held to their solidly South America viewpoint, despite the atlas's clear evidence to the contrary. And then a small contingency of crazies decided to create an eight continent, stating unequivocally that Central America was actually a part of neither North nor South and in fact a continent of its own making.

This, folks, is the American newsroom in the 21st century. Enjoy your snapshot into our lunacy.

With my geography lesson out of the way, I move onto my newest plan: Beach Blogger, the Beach Bunny of the X Generation. I have no plan yet on how to make this a financially feasible lifestyle, but since I clearly am not spending my days stuffing my brain full of important geography, history, science or math, I can dedicate all my brain power to that activity. Any help your brains can provide will be greatly appreciated.

Long Days and Nights, Penguin Style

Number of Wonder Woman episodes watched: 5
Number of twirls within the episodes: 36
Number of movies watched: 5
Number of movies involving penguins watched: 1
Number of books read: 1 (Finally finished Wizard and Glass)
Number of books started: 2
Number of those books involving anything approaching intellectual leanings: 0


My march toward intellectual enlightenment has gone perhaps a nonmeter since last week. I did watch that penguin documentary everyone's going on about. It left me with two very strong thoughts. 1)Penguins are crazy and should just pack up and move to Florida like everyone else. 2)Someone needs to make a documentary about the documentary. I would like to know how those crazy Frenchies made the damn thing. Did they camp out there in -80 degree weather in their little orange hoodies, huddling with the likewise crazy penguins (who were clearly wondering what all these strange, large, orange penguins were on about). Did they have some sort of mobile home on ice with portable generator and endless supplies of gasoline, Hotpockets and card games? And most importantly how the hell did they pee out there?

Anyway, penguins and Frenchmen aside, my week was once again a terribly uneventful waste of life. I serve absolutely no purpose in life unless God actually IS spelled backwards and I was put here to serve and shelter his true chosen ones. I have four of them living here. Two wandered up off the streets, one came from a shelter in Texas, the other from a shelter in Tennessee. They join one very pissed off cat, who is too old for this crap - at least that what she keeps telling me. I really am beginning to feel that I'm nothing more than a housekeeper for pets and that I have no greater purpose. I am losing my ability to communicate with humans and will soon speak only dog, cat and journalize. You'll be able to track the demise of verbal abilities through this blog.

This brings me to my stopping point, as I believe one of the herd need my assistance in the kitchen - perhaps fetching a nice crispy dog bone or a not quite dead mouse. Or then again, he or she might just be inviting the penguins to come live with us.

History Grade: F-

Books Bought This Week: 0
Books (excluding comics) Read This Week: 1/4 (Wizard and Glass by Stephen King)
Books (including comics) Read This Week: 3 1/4
Movies Watched This Week: 1
Episodes of Gilmore Girls Watched This Week: 6
History Questions Missed This Week: 1
History Questions Asked This Week: 1


I read in the New York Times today that the amount of television I watch is directly tied to my knowledge of U.S. history. I think by my tally above, you'll find the NYT is right. I, like most of the interviewed graduates of Top 10 universities did not the answer to the following question, which had MULTIPLE CHOICES:

Who was the American general at the Battle of Yorktown?
A) William Sherman B) Ulysses Grant C) Douglas MacArthur D) George Washington.

The answer, of course (I can say that now that I know the answer), is D.

I, idiotically chose B. Grant at Yorktown? What was I thinking?

So to make myself feel worse about my American education I will be taking any history questions you have for me and keep a running tally of my lack of U.S. knowledge. This should be particularly amusing to Satchel who is an Americanist in his PhD history program and who I believe is the only person reading this blog.

More Advice and Pet Peeve 5,021

Was tied up by actual work there for a bit. Sorry. I'll try not to let it happen again. But I can't promise anything.

Today I have for you another installment of advice to editors that is also Pet Peeve 5,021:

Stop this "sign up" madness now!

Any newspaper that requires you to make up some information, otherwise known as "registering" and tracks your reading habits must be boycotted immediately. All Web sites not requiring registration should immediately sever all links to registration sites.

Listen to me, people, no one is inputting their actual data. The Little Rock paper thinks I'm a 43-year-old rich Asian monkey named Peko. Who is this helping? Please, please, just stop.

Study of the Obvious

Timely to the reinvention of my blog is this article on the Editor & Publisher Web site, regarding a study by the Carnegie Corp. on why youngsters like me aren't reading newspapers.

My favorite parts are:

In his report, Brown argues that traditional news outlets must figure out ways to "engage" young people the way the Internet does. "In short, the future of the U.S. news industry is seriously threatened by the seemingly irrevocable move by young people away from traditional sources of news," he writes.

As an industry, newspapers in particular are doing a poor job of responding to these new market pressures, said Brown, a former Washington Post reporter: "Here's this huge revenue opportunity that has moved to Yahoo. Yahoo is having these amazing [financial] quarters. And the newspaper industry response to that is to trim the staff of their online news sites because they want to keep their bottom line. This is classic business school fodder here. When somebody else is eating your lunch, your response is to run away? The industry needs to invest."

"There's not enough risk-taking in the newspaper industry."

It took a study to figure this stuff out? I have taken a poll of one (myself) and come up with the same conclusions they did.

Newspapers should listen to the young people on their staff or better yet promote some younger people to various editor levels; some people who perhaps haven't spent years and years listening to: "This is the way it's always been done and I don't see a reason to change that now."

Also, this guy is stealing my ideas.

Interlude: Pet Peeve 386

Bible verses airbrushed on cars/trucks.

I wish I had a camera phone, folks, because I cannot do justice to what I witnessed yesterday. I am headed east on a seven lane road. I am in the middle lane. Directly in front of me is a car whose license plate reads CRKWHR. It takes me a minute but I realize this person has a personalized tag that says Crack Whore. I crack up laughing. Then I look a the white pickup truck in the left lane and see:

"In all things I gave you an example, that so laboring ye ought to help the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that he himself said, It is more blessed to give than to receive." - Acts 20:35

It was airbrushed in this sort of light blue and pink lettering on the door to the truck bed and I thought, "This is truly one of the signs of the apocalypse."

I'm now having that verse from Revelations airbrushed on my truck.

Music, Fonts and Jon Stewart

I suppose this really falls under the previous category of free stuff, but I would suggest that newspapers follow the Oxford American and other magazines (and clothing stores; remember when clothing stores like Express put out CDs of the music they played?) and try putting together an annual CD of local music that would go out to subscribers only. It would coincide with a special section on local music, featuring everything from the super famous (Elvis, Britney Spears anyone?) to garage rock. That would be something for the marketing department to do. (We have one here but they don't seem to actually do much marketing.)

Under 30s - and as we all know by now, Bucky speaks for all Under 30s - love music and most cities of any respectable size spend a lot of time hyping their local talent. I bet CDs would bring in more readership than signs on bus shelters do. Then at the biggest papers, they could even host a concert, perhaps on newspaper grounds or nearby. It could be a big weekend affair, open to the public. Maybe it would take on a life of its own like that Down from the Mountain tour. This could be the next huge thing. I smell a Cohen Brothers movie...

Some other thoughts I had this week:

-Text messaging headlines to Under 30s mobile phones.

-Newspaper reality show on local or cable access TV, featuring the "real life" of newspapers (people will be shocked, shocked to find out that we don't run around like Meg Ryan in "Sleepless in Seattle" or Naomi Watts in "The Ring" and we don't have adventures like anyone in "The Paper," though we do drink as much Coke).

-Web chats with reporters, editors, critics, etc., like the New York Times does. Newspapers are horrible at creating virtual communities. They need to get some sci-fi, gaming geeks in to operate that aspect of the business and stop moving people management doesn't like any more over to run the online presence. They need to fully staff the online department because posting the print version on a Web site and updating with AP breaking news, ain't cutting it.

-Get some columnists that write about something other than politics and kids, unless you find the next Jon Stewart. Better yet, somebody please convince Jon Steward to write a syndicated column. We Under 30s need a little laughter with our carnage and coffee, please.

-For God's sake CHANGE THE FRIGGIN FONTS! Uniformity is not the sign of a good newspaper, it's the sign of chicken shit paper. You have all these fonts and never use them. You wanna know why there are companies that exist only to make the opening credits to movies? So people will watch them. So people will want to get to movies before they start. So people will fork over $8 to $12 bucks a pop plus popcorn and soda, even for "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous." Hell, they give an Academy Award for opening credits. That's how important it is. Jazz things up.
Seriously, Jazz them up.
Literally.
There is a font called Jazz.
Use it.

Old news is not good news

My topic today for the newspaper editors of America is old news (which by definition is not news at all).

You see, Mr. and Mrs. Joe(leen) Editor, we under 30s have this crazy thing called Internet. And on the Internet we have access to all sorts of things, among which are these two web sites Yahoo! News and Google News. On these Web sites they do this wacky thing wherein they post stories from today's AP, AFP, Reuters, Bloomberg, et al. That's right, the very SAME wire services YOU are getting stories from for TOMORROW's paper. So you see, these stories you are putting on the front page on Iraq, world events, national politics, we have already read. Yesterday.

Not to mention there is cable TV, which has nothing better to fill the airwaves with than hours of uninterrupted Michael Jackson trial coverage, disasters, hostage-taking, the new Harry Potter book. So I have no need for your wire stories by the time they make it in the paper.

Now I know there are older readers that you want to keep, many of whom do not have Internet since they are retired and can't spend their day not working and instead reading news Web sites at their desk while waiting for their porn to load. But you see, THOSE people also have nothing better to do than read the ENTIRE paper. So you can safely put the war stories, etc. INSIDE the paper where we under 30s never look and where the way over 30s are sure to read.

And don't go trying to use the Washington Post or New York Times services because I already read those papers on the Internet as well. The only exception to this rule, the only one, is if you ARE the Washington Post and New York Times and you have your own Iraq and Michael Jackson reporters who are producing something original and new. However if they are just writing their own version of the same stuff that's on the wire, then forget about it. Put that crap inside somewhere and give us this:

"Indians 'Marry' Sacred Trees to Ward Off Evil Eye"
Reuters - Residents in the Indian city of Calcutta have "married" two colorfully decorated trees in an elaborate ceremony to ward off an evil spell.
Marrying trees.

Now that is news.

It's not all the news. I'm not suggesting we just fill a paper with news of the weird. But a little weirdness on the front page never hurt anyone and indeed will probably help make shiny new raises for your staff as circulation climbs to new heights. But we also need in-depth stories that showcase good reporting, draw in the reader and maybe bring light to a problem.

Sadly, since it's Monday I have no examples for you. However, maybe later in the week I'll come across something compelling and we can discuss that. In the meantime, if you all know of any good stories we should read (not just the under 30s amongst us, but all ages) please post it here.

"Under 30s with money to burn" does not = "children"

Newspaper editors of America,

Stop putting stories about schools and day care programs on the front page. On a recent random day, the front page of my local paper had three, count them 1-2-3 stories on schools. The number of young women NOT having children is INCREASING not decreasing. There is a reason the New York Times most e-mailed list, Yahoo! and Google News do not have school stories listed. Children belong somewhere in Metro, anything located under Yahoo's category Oddly Enough belongs on the front page. This is because news of the weird attracts people's attention, even those with kids.

Seriously, which of these would you guys rather read:

1. A South African zoo is trying to persuade its star chimpanzee to kick a bad smoking habit.

2. Germantown mom exposes grade trap.

Come on now, be truthful. You all want to know about the smoking monkey. Smoking monkeys kick ass. Grade traps, do not.

Free Stuff (Newspapers of the world, pay attention, yo!)

In honor of my approaching 30th birthday and thus my leave-taking of the "all important under 30 readership group," I will now rededicate my blog to the pursuit of the betterment of newspapers worldwide by offering them free advice from this under 30 on how to attract us.

Today's topic: Free Stuff.

Under 30s love free stuff. Even those of us who now have money to buy the stuff we want, still act like we're in college. Our homes are filled with crap we don't need -- vinyl bags, orange and green makeup samples, too large t-shirts, clocks that worked for all of 20 seconds and then promptly broke after we finally figured out how to set the correct time, socks made of recycled newspaper. We love it all! We can't get enough of it. Gimme Gimme Gimme!

Give us free stuff and we will follow you into the bowls of hell. Give us free stuff and we will rise up against our common sense and check the box that says, "Yes. Sign me up for 260 months of daily news coverage!" Learn from magazines. Learn from infomercials. Learn from Subway and the Frequent Sub Club.

Free stuff.

Take Me Out...

So today, here where I work, it is Cap Day. I guess we're all supposed to wear a baseball cap of our favorite baseball team to celebrate opening day for our local minor league team. Only, I don't actually see anyone wearing baseball caps (I'm glad for this). I imagine at some point we'll be harassed by the organizers of Cap Day and forced to wear one of the "extra" hats they're sure to have brought, insuring we all look ridiculous sitting at our computers with baseball hats on.

This is apparently one of their bizarre attempts to rescue employee moral from the dumpsters. It's going to take a lot more than Cap Day to do that. As a matter of fact, every day could be Cap Day for the rest of the year and it wouldn't help.

What time IS it?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A House committee voted on Wednesday to expand U.S. daylight-saving time by two months to help reduce energy consumption.

The panel agreed in a voice vote to move the start of daylight-saving time in the United States -- which occurs when clocks are turned forward by one hour -- one month earlier to the first Sunday in March. The end of daylight time would be moved back one month to the last Sunday in November.

Supporters of the amendment, sponsored by Michigan Republican Fred Upton, said it would save about 10,000 barrels of oil a day because offices and stores would be open while it was still light outside and therefore use less energy.

The move would also help businesses in downtown areas, supporters said. "There's more economic activity, because people feel they can walk around safely," said Democrat Edward Markey of Massachusetts.


Does anyone else find it weird that you can just move daylight-saving time around willy nilly?

Hello, my name is ALSO.....

And finally I bring you another installment of: Latest Insanity From My Work Place.

Today without notification, the company began changing the display names on our emails to reflect the name on our Social Security cards. I, like many of my coworkers, have never been called by the name appearing on said card. Instead, my parents chose to call me by my middle name and the one which everyone has called me by my entire life. I don't even respond to my first name because I don't recognize it as a part of me. The name I use is my legal name, it just does not include that all important FIRST part of it. So my display name changed. Others here go by initials or nicknames and their names also changed. This has created mass havoc, you see, because we all use our "chosen" names as our professional names.

So randomly today people started getting emails from people they've never heard of. My coworkers couldn't find my email address in the global address book. I couldn't find MY coworkers in the global address book. Many of us have very ordinary last names, like Anderson, Smith, Wolf. There are multiple entries under these last names and good luck trying to determine who's who. This led to much humor making (because what else can you do) with many people signing off as "David, I mean George." Or saying things like, "To make things simpler please start calling me Robert or you can use my employee number, 6824." This became even funnier when it was discovered that we will soon start using our employee ID number to log into our Email server instead of our Email ID.

As a sidebar: The email people here told me the only way to change our display name is to change our name in HR, which is based on the afore mentioned Social Security name. Thus, the only way to change our display names is to LEGALLY change our names with the United States government.

All of this insanity is being lain at the feet of Sarbanes-Oxley, that glorious financial and accounting disclosure law, which apparently includes a clause about our emails reflecting the name on our Social Security card. [It actually falls under a provision mandating that CEOs and CFOs attest to their companies' having proper "internal controls."]

In a postscript to today's email drama, our division executives had no idea all of this was going on till we started complaining about it. It prompted this short email:

Yes, I became aware of the issue this morning. I have asked Denis to roll back the changes ASAP. We will still be interested in proceeding with changes but in a more orderly and coordinated manner.

The beauty of all of this is that we are in the communications business and yet there wasn't the least bit of communicating going on.

Pet Peeve #33

Fantasy baseball draft.

The boys that I work with (including my boss) have gotten absolutely no work done today and have greatly annoyed me with their draft drama. Why is this a past time that I seem incapable of understanding?

Insomniac Easter Bunnies

Did all you Western Christians survive the weekend with your families? I still have a nice month-long wait till I participate in the ritual eating of lamb and chocolate bunnies, but I did spend a strange weekend with my boyfriend's family, an ex-nun and Marcia Gay Hardin's mother. Sounds like a joke, but sadly, this is my life.

Also, I wanted to wish everyone a Happy National Sleep Awareness Week and in particular a Happy National Insomnia Awareness Day. During this time I'd like to encourage you to embrace sleeping and begin a dialogue on what sleeping means to you? To me it means not being at work...something that always makes me a happier person.

Below is an amusing Email I received at work today regarding this topic:

As you may know, it's National Sleep Awareness Week and today is the first-ever National Insomnia Awareness Day.
Timely, as the National Sleep Foundation released its annual sleep poll results yesterday finding that 127 million, or more than half of all Americans experience insomnia a few times a week. Because of this alarming number, the National Sleep Foundation assembled the Save Our Sleep (S.O.S.) Forum -- a panel of experts charged with discussing these shocking poll results and issuing a call to action to raise awareness among Americans about the serious health consequences associated with insomnia.

Below is information about the Forum, whose members are available along with other leading national and local sleep doctors and experts to discuss how important it is to talk to your doctor if you think you may be suffering from insomnia.

I will give you a call later this week to chat and gauge your interest in setting up an interview. Should you have any questions in the meantime, please feel free to contact me at the information below!

Best,
Lauren

Lauren Magnetti
Senior Account Executive
Zeno Group (formerly PR21)

Update to Pet Peeve #206, also known as Pet Peeve #207

The coffee shop in the afore posted peeve, this morning mysterious began offering ONLY one size. I asked for "regular" this time, only to be told: "We only have one size now." I am trapped in a really bad sitcom, aren't I? I should change the name of this blog to, "Why I hate my local coffee shop" and update it with daily reports on the new and novel ways they've managed to piss me off.

This leads me to Pet Peeve #207: One size fits all.

Pet Peeve #206

People who refuse to acknowledge that medium and regular are really the same thing.

Yesterday I went to a local (meaning non-Starbucks) coffee shop and ordered a medium coffee. The guy behind the county, with no irony, says, "The only sizes we have are small, regular and large." That pisses me off worse than the tall, grande, venti sizes at Starbucks - where, by the way, they apparently have a higher intellect because they can always deduce that by medium, I mean the size in the middle.

Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter, I

This weekend I spent about two and half hours driving to Jackson, Mississippi, and about two and half hours sitting right outside of Jackson in an endless sea of parked cars. I was one of the lucky I-55 travelers who experienced Mississippi emergency personnel at their finest when a tractor trailer rig bound for Baton Rouge caught on fire in one lane of interstate traffic, thereby causing the afore mentioned personnel to block off the navigable lane and shoulders for the next five hours.

I managed to finally inch up to where people were cutting across the median, head back north and work my way over the U.S. 51, which winds its way into Jackson. I understand by that evening they finally got a lane of traffic open.

This experience did give me some nice bonding time with the guy behind me who had binoculars and with my dogs, who experienced the joy of peeing on the Interstate for the first time. Also I learned a good deal of Spanish (¿Tienes dollares? No, tengo un peso.) with my Pimsleurs tapes, borrowed from the company human resources department last month. (I have yet to figure out WHY human resources has these tapes when they have no other such learning aids, but they do. You might think that the company's library would be a more appropriate place for such items, but then you'd be as wrong as I was.)

It was a glorious weekend otherwise, filled with mucho café and beautiful weather. I even washed my truck at long last, which ensured that it would then rain Sunday evening. And it did...although rain would be too kind a term for the weather I encountered on my trip back north. Perhaps monsoon with a side of hail would be the most accurate description. Nonetheless, despite I-55's attempt to kill me, first with boredom and then with weather, I survived to type another story. (For those keeping up at home the restaurant story count is: no closings this week, one 35th anniversary, and one 30th anniversary. But it's only Tuesday. Give it time.)

My War and Mr. Bush

I don't know why the President hates me so much. I have a sneaking suspicion that it goes back to the time when I embarrassed him on the all powerful Jackson local news back in '99. But if that's the case then he must hate a lot of people because he's looked the fool on TV a lot.

The last time he got a crazy hair and wanted to prove how much he hated me, he decided, "Oh. I'm very interested in the Mississippi governor's race, so I'll go to the town where Bucky works and give a stump speech on the days she has off, ruining about two weeks of her life and the mini-holiday her friend was in town on. Yes, then I'll let a crazy woman almost kill me with her car."

I had only just recovered from that 2003 visit when he decided last week to come to the Bluff city. He just left an hour ago. I know this, not because I had to write endless news stories...that thankfully fell to someone else this visit...I know because for the last two days his motorcade had been mocking me by driving back and forth in front of my office and making my trips from work to home, which "coincidently" coincides with the motorcade route, a living hell.

Last night, for example, I got stuck at Walgreen's for two hours so he could make it from the airport to the Peabody where he shacked up with the ducks. I think they should have taken him up Airport Road to Lamar, let him see all the people who could care less about Social Security because they're more concerned about little things like food. But then again I was also the one subjected to two hours of the 80s greatest soul hits in Muzak format while memorizing the many flavors of toothpaste last night. So I may be a little bias on that front.

Anyway, he's gone now and I hope to have a long nap when I get home but I suspect there will be some President-created drama for me to deal with when I attempt to get there. I doubt he's done fucking with me just yet.

You'd think as Leader of The Once Free World he'd have better things to do with his time.

But you'd be wrong.

We are Friggin' Idiots

U.S. Forces Kill Italian Agent After Reporter Freed

ROME (Reuters) - U.S. forces fired at a car carrying Italian reporter Giuliana Sgrena shortly after her liberation, killing an Italian secret service agent and lightly wounding the journalist, her newspaper said on Friday.

Gabriele Polo, the editor of Il Manifesto newspaper, said Sgrena's car was fired on as it made its way to Baghdad airport.

"This news which should have be a moment of celebration, has been ruined by this fire fight," Polo told Sky Italia television.

"An Italian agent has been killed by an American bullet. A tragic demonstration which we never wanted that everything that's happening in Iraq is completely senseless and mad," he added, struggling to fight back his tears.

The Italian President Carlo Azeglio Ciampi sent his condolences to the family of the dead agent, who was named by Il Manifesto's Polo as Nicola Calipari.

Sgrena was seized in the Iraqi capital on Feb. 4 as she conducted interviews on the street near Baghdad University.

Restaurant City

If another restaurant in this damned city closes I'm going to lose it. I'm averaging about one restaurant closing a week and maybe one restaurant opening a month, even though I'd say the number of openings and closings are about the same. When people say we focus on the negative, they're right. Because of overstretched resources (thank you penny pinchers downstairs), the quality of daily news I write blows.

Meanwhile over on Metro they have a wealth of people with nothing better to do than spend three weeks writing one story about bad drivers. And they are given all the time and resources they need to do stories on what I'm supposed to be covering if only they'd stop making me write about restaurant closings.

A friend of mine at work has been collecting bits of Emails I've sent him over the three+ years I've worked here and sent them to me today. I'm not sure how funny they are if you don't know these people or the crazy stuff people come in expecting us to write about it, but I've listed them below so you can get an idea of the Dilbert-like existence here. Before you begin, keep in mind that Elway is a dog. His name is real, everyone else's is made up.



This is the moment you've been waiting for...


1.
*Do you think Elway would be interested in switching jobs with me? It wouldn't be so bad to hang out in the kitchen all day with yummy treats and nothing to do but chew on my paw.


2.
*Hello, Mr. Lantile,

I am the coach for a girl's 10 years and under competitive lawn bowling team and I've noticed the lack of coverage that your paper gives such an exciting and well-attended sport! I would like to speak to you at your earliest convenience about the sport and invite you to attend one of our matches. The DeSoto Ballbusters will be facing the Pike County Pinpushes this weekend. We'd be glad to have you there!

Sincerely;

Margo H. Sunshine

3.
*You're awfully quiet today. Did Elway beat you at poker last night and take all your bling-bling?


4.
(tie) *Listen, I hope you weren't expecting a window seat at the new office because due to his meritorious service and selfless dedication to the paper, bart will be receiving all FOUR desks along that wall and you and I will have to actually work from one desk with two chairs and one computer in the distribution warehouse potion of the new building. There is no heat in there but the company has been gracious enough to install an electrical plug near our desk that we can use to plug in our computer AND a little electric space heater should we choose to provide ourselves with that.


5.
*Look. I see from our budget that we have nothing for tomorrow. Since kc is busy writing her opus on the magnolia school and bart is busy with dominos and jenny is busy doing...something...i'm going to need you to write a 30-inch story on the new donut shop opening in lakeville for the cover. thanks.


6.
*I have no copy for tomorrow's paper and am thinking about drawing a huge ass and scanning it in and running that on the front page of tomorrow's paper. Whadda think?


7.
*I think your problem is that you are not a team player. I mean look at Bart. He is always working himself to death. You could learn a few tips from him. And think the best way for you to do that is to start working with him on the city beat, in addition to the sports and hotel beats.

8.
*Oh right. I forgot I had reassigned you to hotels. Well perhaps you could go ahead and have some nice columns on hotels ready for the world series in case Madison's run begins before the games end. I'd especially like one on what the hotels are doing to appeal to clients who might want to watch the games during their stay. Thanks in advance for your hard work on this one, Tiger.


9.
*She'll (his girlfriend) probably just get you some crisco and a bag of dough and tell you to go to town. I think that's what relationships become after you've been dating for a while.

Hacked

I hate to tell you all like this but unfortunately hackers have also posted MY (un)star studded T-Mobile address book online. In a strange twist, my friends report not one phone call from fans. I guess you all just aren't as important as Vin Diesel. Sorry to be the one to tell you.

Deadline, Literally

I'm helping to put together a new Code of Conduct and Ethics policy where I work and I got distracted by this article that was linked to the site where I'm researching other similar policies. Allow me to just preview a little bit of the article below:

Consider the events of April 8, 2003. Early that morning, Al Jazeera correspondent Tareq Ayyoub was reporting from the network's Baghdad bureau. He was providing an eyewitness account of a fierce battle between US and Iraqi forces along the banks of the Tigris. As he stood on the roof of the building, a US warplane swooped in and fired a rocket at Al Jazeera's office. Ayyoub was killed instantly. US Central Command released a statement claiming, "Coalition forces came under significant enemy fire from the building where the Al-Jazeera journalists were working." No evidence was ever produced to bolster this claim. Al Jazeera, which gave the US military its coordinates weeks before the invasion began, says it received assurances a day before Ayyoub's death that the network would not be attacked.

Just when I think things can't get more unbelievable, they do.

Oh how I love thee, Crème Brule

Here I am on Thursday night with nothing better to do. I had some humorous stories to tell but I wonder if maybe they haven't grown stale with the time that has passed them by. I've been busy at work with [gasp] work and after hours taking care of a boyfriend with stomach flu.

There was, for example, Friday night when apparently this city was out of fast food...or at least beef. I went to two Taco Bells (out of beef and tacos) and a Krystal (out of the signature Krystal burger). I briefly flirted with the idea of going to the Sonic or Wendy's but then thought the better of it and took my bad luck as a sign from God that I shouldn't be eating fast food in a city that's so grossly obese. (And now we know WHY. I mean, they ate the friggin' town out of fast food!) I was, however, able to procure a chicken sandwich from Burger King for lunch today and a Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe for dinner last night, so all must be right with the local fast food world. (We have a food shortage at my house right now and I'm just not mentally up to the challenge of facing my ghetto supermarket right now.)

There was also a delightful Valentine's Day double dinner date with China Girl and her German BF at the conclusion of which a plate of gelato milk came out as one of our deserts. The French chef was so mortified he bought us a round of cognac in the hopes, I guess, that we'd become so drunk (we'd already had cocktails, a bottle of champagne and a bottle of red wine) that we'd forget it happened. It wasn't my desert so I wasn't too broken up about it. I was sad, however, that they were out of the cappuccino Crème Brule I ordered. But they did at least have a replacement Crème Brule that was so good that I wanted to stick my face in the bowl and lick out the bits of cream stuck in waves of the dish. But I thought maybe that wasn't the last imagine I wanted China Girl and the German BF to have of me. They left the next morning for China. And I as I predicted in my last entry, my life has returned to the category of "rather boring."

Not to worry, though. I may soon have the stomach flu myself and then I'll have lots of disgusting vomit and diarrhea stories to tell.

Girl in the City

So I actually find myself with a little time today to write - my work for the day completed and it being after the hour that anyone will conceivably call me back. I've had quite the social life here recently, due entirely to several of my friend visiting from their wildly exciting lives in Asia. Also, a third friend has returned from her brief experiment of living in Oregon where, shockingly, she learned to love the South. Tuesday we went to our local (meaning fake) Pat O'Brien's to celebrate the Mardi Gras. That meant drinking too many hurricane but miraculously not passing out in our own vomit. Then last night it was a dinner for seven, followed by some very bad math and more drinking. However, after the weekend slush fest and Tuesday's excess, I stuck with water.
I was so busy this week that I totally missed The Gilmore Girls AND The West Wing. I don't know what's come over me. But I have been distracted by real life and TV just can't compare to the exciting drama that is the Jeff Gannon/James Guckert White House saga.

Don't worry though, soon this will all be over - the Thailand-based Peace Corps friend (heretofore referred to as "Thai Girl") has already returned home and her China-based twin (who, in an homage to David Bowie, will now be known as China Girl) leaves Tuesday - and I'll return to my normally scheduled home-bound life and resume my whine-o-blog, complaining about local drivers, television, food, work and anything else I can dream up while sitting at my semi-cubicle.

Rwanda

I'm glad to report that the bloggers have returned. The migration back to their computers and winter homes has been completed and I have plenty to read once more.

As for me, life remains quite slow. Two friends have returned for two weeks each from Asia and we are spending as much time listening to their stories of bug eating and toilet etiquette as possible.

I can, however, now recommend "Hotel Rwanda," which I saw this weekend. It's a great movie, but you might want to pack some extra tissues when you go. It is well done and well acted, if perhaps not exactly what happened. But it is a movie and thus a little condensing of events had to occur. For more on the 1994 Rwandan massacre I'd recommend reading "We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families" by Philip Gourevitch. It's an incredible book and includes the story of Paul Rusesabagina, but gives a more complete picture of what happened there and how the world ignored it. You will read it with your mouth open.

Watch out for flying bugs.

A quick wrap up

Since last I wrote I have been witness to the largest private display of fireworks ever set off on a city street; finished my creativity class; seen "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" twice and also "Blade Trinity," "In Good Company," and "Kinsey" (once each); finished "The Best of Times" by Haynes Johnson (competing for the world's longest book); typed the word "biotech" 212 times; and finally today had a woman ask me if I'd seen a chicken on Main Street.

It's been a strange beginning to 2005.

Where, oh where, have all my blog buddies gone?

MARION, Ark. - In the wake of massive holiday food comas and two-week drunks, much of the world's blog production has ground to a halt with content providers eschewing the virtual world for the distractions of the actual world.

"This is almost unheard of. Bloggers are notorious social outcasts and so even holidays, weddings and birthdays will find them in front of their computers, typing out entries in the vain belief someone is reading," industry analyst Roger Elliot said.

News operations, politicians, Geraldo Rivera and others who rely on blogs for the majority of their research are worried about how long the dry spell will last.

"Unless we have another major snow storm or some local folks get caught up in some international tragedies, I'm not sure where we're supposed to get our news without the bloggers," said Steven Mann, station director for WFXY, the local FOX affiliate.

"Actually, if we had some local people caught up in international tragedies we probably wouldn't be able to find out about it without the bloggers."

Although the holidays are being blamed for at least some of the missing entries, industry watchers are hesitant to lay the entire drought at the feet of Christmas cheer.

"The truth is no one knows what's happened to the bloggers," said Mindy Yin, spokeswoman for the Organization for Internet Cooperation and Development. "Sure, some of them maybe have had one too many pieces of fruit cake or are having their stomach pumped after ingesting too many pumpkin soy lattes, but that doesn't explain all of it. After all the holidays come every year."

Alyssa Buck, who blogs as Rey-Ray on the World Piano Monkey Pizza Donut site, says she hasn't posted an entry in "like, days or something."

A die hard blogger, Buck, 16, said she isn't sure what's come over her recently but after spending a year of her life blogging at about 100 hours a week she is feeling burned out and disillusioned.

"I started out to like change the world, I guess. I had all these great ideas and I knew, I just KNEW that if I could get them out there then things would get better. But after a whole year, nothing is different. You could say things are worse. So I just haven't felt like logging in recently. I don't even know what people are discussing on my blog. And I don't even care."

She hopes after the new year she'll be able to return to her blog.

Trading of video game and Hot Pocket stocks were down Thursday on the news of the unofficial blog blackout.

Compiled from our wire services

A Quickie on Wednesday Morning

The ice is finally melting. It is now safe to return to the streets, well as safe as driving and walking in this city can be. After all the idiots are still out there, still running red lights and crossing against the light. But at least they aren't doing it with the added bonus of ice. That's something to be thankful for as we waltz into the new year. Ah, 2006, what joys of global warming will you bring us?

That's all for now. I'll return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Snow = End of the World

It snowed yesterday while I was at work. Well, really it was more of a slushy rain, which hardened overnight and then had a dusting of snow. It's white out there now, but soon the depressing dirt black ice will begin to develop. Anyway, idiots here on the radio were urging everyone to stay home because to leave their homes "they endanger their lives." The police announced that they would only come to accidents if someone was seriously injured or killed or possibly if one person involved was driving drunk because THEY DON'T WANT TO DRIVE IN THIS WEATHER. Emergency personnel do not want to drive in this weather. What is that about? I mean there's probably not even an inch out there. It's snow, people. Snow. Some ice. It's not the friggin' end of the world. Don't drive like idiots and stop freaking out. I'll be really pissed if this keeps me from finishing my Christmas shopping.

Life in a Three Panel World

Despite waking up this morning and coughing up half my lungs, I came to work today thinking, "I'll just finish the two things I'm working on and then I can stay home tomorrow, rest and get better without feeling the guilt of not finishing my work."

Now here we are at the very end of my work day. Let us take stock of what I've accomplished today: I still haven't gotten to the two things I came to work to finish because I had to do a local insert on a national shopping story and I had follow up on an attorney general's lawsuit. I've been assigned another story (potentially an entire package of stories), asked to "flesh out" a second one and then there's a story assigned a few weeks ago that I haven't yet started on. (It was technically due today).

So instead of staying home in bed tomorrow, where I SHOULD be, I'll be dragging my sick ass into work where I'm sure to infect the few sad souls who bothered to come in on Christmas week and where once again I am sure to get many new assignments before even beginning the ones that I've already been given. I fully expect to come in tomorrow and see Catbert sitting on my desk.

I may soon be in need of a lung transplant.

Ba, Blogbug!

For the last few days I have dutifully been ignoring my blog in the hopes it would go away. It would not. It's still here reminding me of how woefully underexciting my life is. Tis the slow season for blogging, I guess, as none of the blogs I visit have been updated in a while. People are too busy doing their holiday shopping and stuffing themselves on pumpkin spice bread and eggnog lattes to write down their adventures. We probably won't get an update until Christmas Day when, driven to madness by their families, the bloggers lock themselves in bedrooms en masse and begin recounting the adventures of the last six weeks. Also, probably our younger bloggers are busy finishing papers and taking tests and all that school business that goes on around this time.

Recently saw a very amusing local "band" called Automusik. We still have nasty, uncooked, sausage at my home that was handed out at the end of the show. I think the boyfriend is waiting for an appropriate dare before frying them up and eating them. He has very questionable food habits.

The holiday party season is upon us, as you well know, and I've been busy dodging the emailed invites from people whose parties I do not want to attend and hoping for invites to the parties I do want to attend. It's a torturous season for me, what with having to fast and being around massive piles of food at the same time. This country is not set up to cater to my dietary needs, you freakish meat eaters! Parties should begin on the holiday and continue for the days following, instead of beginning weeks before the holiday and then having the holiday be a massive emotional let-down after all the weeks of partying. Of course this would do nothing to rid us of the invites to parties we don't want to attend. I'll have to devote myself to solving that problem over the next few weeks.

Meatless Woes

Well it's been pretty quiet around these parts lately. There was an exciting altercation between W* the cat and AB* the dog, but that was short lived and ultimately not as exciting to retell as it was to watch.

It's so sad I can't think of anything going on so I guess I'll just complain about food. There is a serious lack of good vegan options in this town and even the health food stores don't carry milkless chocolate chips. I would also complain that there is a serious lack of vegan recipes/cookbooks and that I have grown extremely weary of rice. I can't believe people eat like this every day. Meat I can live without but cheese and ice cream...soysicle is just not the same.

That said, there are some great no-animals-killed-in-the-making-of-these-desert recipes. I, myself, stick to the cookies and banana bread in my two vegan cookbooks, How It All Vegan and its follow up In The Garden of Vegan. I find the brownies and cakes too dense and they suck all the liquid out of your mouth. But perhaps that's just my cooking skills at play.

But seriously rice is nice but we gotta find something else to fill out our vegan meals. Also, before I go, I have to make my annual comment on the changeling known as the soy bean. It is the most amazing bean ever. How you can create so much from something that grows in the Mississippi Delta is beyond me! If I could a prize to most underrated grown item, it would be the soy bean.

*Names have been initialized to protect the innocent.

The Most Horrible Day of The Year

It's been days since I've written. A week, now that I think about it. There's been a lot of crap going on that's interfered with my blogging abilities. Most notably we've had our now annual Holiday Layoffs here at work. I'm still here. (Like right now. Right now I'm here at work, sitting alone in an empty office. I think some other people are supposed to be working today. I hope. Because I can't put out an entire paper by myself.) Anyway, not a very happy Thanksgiving for us but I won't go into all that.

Instead I'll use this time to complain about the annual Day After Thanksgiving Shopping Story that all newspapers and all TV stations feel the need to do year after bloody year. Why? Why? Why? What kernel of truth do we glean from these stories, what wealth of wisdom washes over us when we read these stories or watch them on television? And does anyone read these stories?

My personal opinion - no, no one reads them, no one cares. They look at the photos of people waiting in huge ass lines or fighting over the last Sponge Bob Square Pants doll and they say one of two things: 1) "We were in that line and it sucked and it was freezing!" or 2) "Those people are crazy. You couldn't me out of bed to go wait in line like that." So why do we feel compelled to write this story year in and year out? I think it's because we're scared to stop. Scared that somehow, NOT doing the Day After Thanksgiving Shopping Story (DATSS) will cause subscriptions to fall at a mind dizzying pace; scared that there won't be any other news that day to fill the newspaper; scared that God will strike us down if we do not write the story.

And now for the biggest question of all - Why, no matter what my job is, do I always have to go out and write the DATSS? I hate the day after Thanksgiving. I hate it with a passion unmatched by anything else. Hate is not even a strong enough word to describe today. Oh, let me count the hours till the work day is done. Eight hours and counting....

Not Really Worth a Title

I notice some time has passed since last I wrote, but sadly I have little to report. The carcass of the dead thing was never recovered but we've had no subsequent bad smells, at least not coming from dead things. (There was this incident recently with refried beans but I won't go into that now.)

My life has returned to the mundaneness (my dictionary says this is a word but none of my spell checks recognize it, so I'm not claiming ownership it) for which there is little of note to speak. Perhaps something exciting will happen this weekend as I trek down to Louisiana. It is possible something exciting will happen before then, but only slightly more likely than my winning the lottery. The best advice I can give you, my three readers, is check back next week, round 'bout Tuesday. Perhaps I'll have some news for you then.

The DMZ

Taking a break from the political landscape that I hardly ever write about, I'd like to get back to a more important issue that the pundits and public should be engaged in right now, namely, the dead mouse in my pantry.

That's right, living in an old building as I do, we have the great joy of frequent mousy visitors who apparently take great pleasure from dying in our walls and closets. Right now there is quite obviously a dead mouse in the kitchen pantry somewhere (if you put your nose to the computer screen I think you'll actually be able to smell its demise), and a debate has been raging in the household on where said smell is coming from and was the death a natural one (cat attack) or unnatural (all that rat poison the landlord keeps putting in the basement).

The accepted facts are 1) something is dead 2) it is most likely a mouse since we find them dead quite often in our flat and 3) the dead, alleged mouse is most probably located somewhere stage left in the pantry, so deemed by the scientific method of that's where the bad smell is strongest.

So tonight, boys and girls, we face the very unpleasant task of removing every item from the pantry in a quest to find the DM. It is my great hope that I will not be the one to find it. In my life I've had to discover the rotten-potato-behind-the microwave-with-maggots and the dead-kitten-in-the-kitchen (not making either of those up) so I think my life-time quota of dead and disgusting things has been reached. It is now someone else's turn to do the finding.

Please wish us luck and God Bless the U.S.A. and also football.

Where are you, Reds?

Yesterday was a bizarre day in which everyone here seemed to walking around in a daze. Tempers were short and voices were drained of emotions. I live in a red state but I have no idea where all these reds live. They must be on the other side of the state or something because everyone I talked to yesterday from a nurse at the VA to a guy that does PR for a medical device manufacturer sounded like they had just gone 20 rounds with a polar bear. My email inbox was full of messages of woe and misery. I'm pretty bummed myself, but I don't think it's the end of the world. And I have to get back to my everyday life, which is monopolized with earning's statements and concerts, not red states and blues states and gray states.

Thus far today, the inbox has been filled with "look on the good side" messages (all with the disclaimer "I know it's not much but...) in response to yesterday's Revelations-style predictions for our future. So here's my look-on-the-bright-side message: At least we have something to bitch about for the next four years.

Voting, Ghetto-Style

Seriously, my voting precinct is the saddest precinct in the whole world. It's a senior center in the ghetto. (I'm not just calling it that, it's officially the ghetto. My nearest neighbors are a drug and alcohol recovery center and public housing.) There's no way to keep the door unlocked so you have to knock on the window (stand on tip toes, force hand between bars) and one of the elderly poll workers hobbles out and opens the door for you. Then you go into a dark, dingy room where people are shocked to see you (well, doubly shocked if you're young and not black, both categories I fall into). Once overcoming their shock, the poll workers lead you on a complicated process of signing multiple documents and directing you to the correct machine.

I can't accurately describe my voting machines to you. But let me start by saying, although they are touch screen, it's not the kind of touch screen you're imagining. These things were the ORIGINAL touch screens, apparently built in 1968 and sister technology to the very first computer ever built. They have curtains that are stiff with starch or maybe decades of cigarette smoke and grime, I'm not really sure. You slip into the voting booth hoping the curtains do not touch you and press the people/issues you are voting for and then hit the giant green VOTE button at the bottom to lock in your decisions. It's really a pretty sad experience, especially knowing what palaces of technology and cleanliness the suburban folk vote in. In my ghetto we are not technologically advanced enough to have hanging chads.

Anyway, there's still time for you to have your own fun poll experience. So, get out and vote, bitches! (Then come and tell me all about it.)

Bucky's Meek Return

Well I had a rough week but I've made it through. Sorry I couldn't post but I was extremely busy. And now I've had a most unrestful weekend. I finally bought a (used) motorcycle on Saturday. Drove it home no problems. Then yesterday I drove it to Oxford and back to visit a friend. I am sooo sore and discovered that I have a problem keeping the bike from falling over after I've stopped. So far I've only encountered this problem in parking lots, but it has made me deathly afraid of stopping on the street. It's a mid-weight bike but that's still pretty heavy and takes two people to get it back on its wheels. (It's been amusing watching men try to upright it by themselves before moving over and letting me help.) But I think the biggest problem is that my feet do not completely touch the ground. Only the front of my feet...more than my tip toes but not a whole solid foot. Harley makes a ladies bike that is supposed to be better heighted (yes, I made that word up) to women, but I'm not really a Harley enthusiast. So I plan to take the bike to my parent's house in the country and practice my stopping, starting and turning out there with the horses and pastures. That way if I fall over at a stop sign in the street no car is likely to come run over me. Maybe a dog will come sniff me, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Also, for all you none riders up there, a piece of advice: Do not, DO NOT try to pass a motorcyclist on an one-lane on ramp or off ramp. Fools, you'll kill us both!

Halloween was fairly uneventful, otherwise. Not a lot of ghouls and goblins this year. But did go to another rockin' philosophy student party Saturday. At this point I might as well enroll in the graduate program myself.

Bucky Out

Since I have this secret belief that no one is reading but my boyfriend these days, I'm sure no one will mind if I delay my wrap up of this weekend's events - which primarily involved watching movies and continuing the trend of not buying a motorcycle due to rain. I'll also be reducing the number of postings this week both things due to the online seminar I'm taking, which is monopolizing my time. More later on that as well.

Illiterate for a Weekend

So during my lunch break I was reading my creativity class book and learned that this week one of our exercises is to go the entire week without reading. The entire week. Without reading. I'm a journalist. How am I supposed to not read my notes, not read what I write, not read the paper? Then again not reading the paper might be a blessing in disguise. Anyway, two and half days of my week are already past, so I'm just going to try going the weekend without reading. Prepared for a creative me on Monday!

Ride, Sally Ride

So instead of posting my own account of last night, I will just copy and paste the Email I received this morning, wrapping up our evening of fun at children's advocacy organization's fundraiser. The names have been deleted to protect the innocent:

Where to begin.... First and foremost many thanks to K., who once again did his rainbow feather boa proud....We're all pulling for you to make it two in row in the CA....To H., who quite frankly did everything proud,....I don't think the wait staff or the chairs at our table will ever be the same....to S., shake-it, baby, shake-it....clearly the most sought after dance partner at the party...who were all those women you were slow dancing with?.....To A. and G., who did the Bar (profession and otherwise) proud and clearly showed they are "too much fun to be lawyers"....To Bucky, who coyly wore her sun glasses to avoid detection by her boss, I must honestly say you not only had the best moves on stage, but you can really belt "Ride, Sally Ride"...I think the Jimmy Johnson Orchestra may have found a new backup singer....To L., not only are you a foxy grandma, you are a super foxy grandma....too bad you had to leave before the chair dancing...you would have been our spotlight dancer....To H.M., so many thoughts, so little time...clearly the best dancer at the whole function...smooth, soulful and stylishly dressed...clearly you were the Mac Daddy of the table this year!

And finally, to B. (aka Bubblegum/Brittney Spears), you not only fulfilled your duties as A.H.'s substitute, I actually believe you are a better A.H. than A.H.....you danced on stage, danced on chairs, served food with rhythmic bounce and cheer...I don't know, we may have to let the folks vote next year on which of you returns.

***

For your information I did not want to sing "Ride, Sally Ride" but I was pulled on stage by Bubblegum who had no problem singing in front of all those people. I kept trying to turn my head away from the man with the microphone and he kept sticking it in my face. Luckily it was late enough in the evening that I believe everyone was trashed by that time. I'm also hoping there was no one there that I knew (who wasn't sitting at my table). Or at least they didn't recognize me with my feather boa and sunglasses.

It's Thursday, right?

Well I came in to write about the glorious 10-3 victory by the Sox last night, but my excitement has already been deflated by the men who work in my department and their insightful analysis of the games. They should all go get jobs at ESPN or better yet as baseball coaches. They know so much more than the current ones, at least to hear them tell it. What are they still doing here? They should be coaching, not writing or editing. They could be making the big bucks and I wouldn't have to listen to them any more. Already their chatter has put me in an annoyed state of mind. It will be hard to accomplish anything today.

So now I need to think of something else to write about. I saw The Killers last night. I like them but didn't realize they were so popular with the 12-year-olds. Good thing their concert got out by 11 a.m. or all those kiddies would be out past curfew and then all hell would break loose. Then again with only one album, how late could they have played? The band sounded pretty good live but it's obvious that "Somebody Told Me" will be their only hit - and I use that term loosely to mean, played on the radio several times during daylight hours. I wouldn't mind being proved wrong as I like this resurgence of New Wave 1980s music, but I have no hope that it will last.

Alan Alda for President Or What Radio DJs Are Talking About This Morning

Well, sadly, I have nothing funny to report from class this morning. We have one person who clearly doesn't want to be in the group, so I'm not sure why he keeps coming. Probably just bored with his job and the class is good for a laugh.

So instead I will mention that I missed the Gilmore Girls last night. (I'm thrown off my days of the week due to being off work Monday.) And that at long last The West Wing season begins tonight. I'll have to tape it, of course, because of the writing class I teach overlaps with the show. Hopefully I'll find time to watch it before the weekend. Stupid radio disk jockeys were talking about the show this morning and had no idea what was going on. People who do not know what they're talking about should not veer from their scripts. They were saying Alan Alda was being introduced as a possible presidential candidate and that they guessed Martin Sheen would be voted out of office. He's already run for reelection, idiots! He can't run away. So either the DJs don't watch the show or they don't know that a president can only serve two terms. It's a toss up, which is the case.

Well lunch is quickly approaching so I've managed to waste away another perfectly good morning, doing absolutely nothing productive. I'll leave you with that thought and the pocket lint I dug out of my pants this morning.

Food Me

So if you're looking for a good gift idea this holiday season I suggest the following cookbook: Cat Cora's Kitchen and not just because she's my godparent's daughter and I grew up with her. It's because cookbooks make great gift ideas. And this one is chock full o' yummy goodness of the Greek, French, Italian and Southern variety. Ah the joys of growing up Greek in the Deep South.

She did a book signing in Oxford, Miss., last night and she's in the middle of one in Jackson, Miss., as I type. If she comes to your town, go see her. She's a hoot and she brings along great food. So that's what I was SOOO busy doing yesterday that I didn't have time for you people. But I'm back at work today and am writing away for your reading pleasure (after beginning my day with a lovely slide show of bone replacement surgery. Goes great with muffins and juice.)

Tomorrow my creativity class meets again so be prepared for some more chuckles and guffaws from that front.

Warning! Idiots in the Machine

So yesterday when our Email was down and nobody knew why, it turned out that the IT department had SENT US AN EMAIL telling us they had taken the server down for repairs. That is true genius at work. Today, just a few moments ago actually, we received an E-mail AHEAD of the shut down informing us of the ill-timed decision to work on the server some more right at deadline. Nice going guys. I'm sure in no time you all will be running the U.S. government computer systems, probably in the Defense Department and maybe Homeland Security. God help us.

Writing Woes: A note on those the American education system left behind

So our company E-mail is down and unfortunately the work that I need is on the E-mail system. So I guess I'll just blog.

On Wednesday nights I teach a writing class for adults at the local literacy council and it's been very frustrating trying to make them understand subject-verb agreement.

We have been drilling on when to use "am, is, are" for about a year now and people still don't get it. While they are testing well with fill in the blanks, their writings are not reflecting what we're studying in class. Everything is still "they is" and "I are." I feel very discouraged sometimes.

Last week we added "was, were" to our studies and that was a disaster. They were putting are and is in the blanks even though I kept saying "Put only one of two words in the blanks - was or were." Not even close. And this is an advanced class. They supposedly read on about a fifth grade level. (Although I know some of them are closer to a first grade level.)

How do you explain these basic concepts to people in a way that will stick in their heads? We only have an hour a week. (This semester my writing class has been combined with a reading class, so we do one hour of reading followed by one hour of writing. An hour is barely long enough for me to explain their assignment so everyone understands.) I tell them to study at home, give them homework. It's a rare student that does either. I'm not sure how effective this set up is. If someone really wants to learn to read and write, they need to spend at least an hour a night working on it, I think. I wonder if I should switch to personal tutoring. Maybe it's easier to see a student's growth on that level.

Anyone have any thoughts, ideas on teaching adults?

A Quick Musical Interlude

I saw an great show in an awkward setting last night. (Held at a local restaurant/nightclub. Those of us without a table had to bob and weave to avoid the slightly annoyed food-carrying waiters.) The show was short but unique with Section Quartet as the opener, playing stringed version of pop/rock music. The main act was a woman named Sam Phillips, who is yet another prolific singer/song writer I've never heard of. (I am so not cool.) The music was not alt. country, as I was told before hand, but more country-influenced jazz. Sam has a great voice that seems both throaty and bubbly at the same time. Too bad I'm not a writer, perhaps I could explain it better. Anyway, check her out if you have the time. Best of all, despite the clinking of plates you could clearly hear the show. And there were very few idiots yelling out to the singer but all did so at appropriate times, which I think of as: When the singer is not singing or talking.

13-3, Interception Return

So I have a few minutes to write about my absolute lack of anything to write about. It's raining here, as it has been all weekend long. This just gives me one more excuse for wanting to still be at home in bed...not that I need an excuse to want to do that. Another reason to stay home: so I don't have to hear a detailed analysis of this weekend's baseball games and how fantasy football leagues are faring. Do I care? No. Do I subject them to my conversations, for example a detailed analysis of the laundry I did this weekend? No. I hate when I can't get work done because of the loud conversations going on around me. God forbid we do some work around here. Good thing the bulk of our news hole goes now to the society column and big photos, I guess.

Creatively Yours...also known as: Week 2 Begins

So my creativity class met today, thereby rendering my entire morning - to use the technical term - "shot." Hopefully I'll get some work done after lunch. I have several interviews I need to conduct today and unless we have another flu vaccine shortage pop up, I should be able to fit them in. But my job is ever changing, so who the hell knows.

Back to creativity. We've already had one person drop out of our small group because she just doesn't have time to meet and do the work, which really isn't all that much, but whatever. A second person didn't show up today and it's only our second meeeting. A third may not finish the course because he has yet to do any of the work...except maybe the chapter reading. I'm not sure. Look, I think this class is dopey just like they do, but I'm in it and I'm going to finish it and I don't appreciate people who slack off their work in class or on the job. If I can find time, they can find time.

So, as you can imagine, right now I'm not feeling the creative flow, I'm feeling rather bitter. I also didn't feel very nurture today as an argument broke out over the definition of creativity, which is just ridiculous. I made the point that you can't be creative with earnings reports and several of my classmates said, "Oh sure you can." (They do not work with earnings reports.) And I thought yeah, you can, but it's called fraud by most people.

Then the facilitator (because we don't have a "teacher") said, "Yeah, like..." and launched into some story about changing the way you come to work and I just was looking at her like, "What the hell does this have to do with earnings reports?!" I mean what bad movie have I walked into, people?! Someone help me, please! I'm crying out to you! Call out the dream police to help get me to the waking world because this can't be it!

Anyone?

Help.

Creatively Challenged

Here we go again. I tried to post yesterday but my post was lost and the "Page Unavailable" warning that makes your bones crawl out of your body popped up.

So I was saying yesterday that work really interferes with one's ability to post. The most prolific and best bloggers must people without day jobs or students or the IT department at my company, all of whom are gathered in some dark, undisclosed location in this building and only come out when new computers come rolling in. They are probably master bloggers and actually control all the world's blogs. They probably are even writing this blog and I just THINK that I'm writing it. They are clever, our IT department. Anyway, all this is to say that work has sucked up all my time and all my creativity.

This leads me to topic number two in what will henceforth be referred to as The Missing Post - my creativity class. Yes, I am taking a creativity class, which is supposed to unblocked our creativity, through our in-house "university." It's a twelve-week course and sadly we are only in Week One. Good news is this should mean I have plenty fodder for future posts (even if they aren't particularly creative ones).

Week One: I can report that I do not feel any more creative than the week before I started the course. I dutifully write my morning pages everyday before getting dressed. I have done all the exercises and have even done my daily affirmations (yes, that's right, daily affirmations...like I'm Stuart Smalley) and so far I have not magically transformed into a creative genius. Of course, the book would say this is my Censor at work. So I guess I should change the name of this blog to Censor's World and let the Censor become my alter ego. Then my real ego will feel free to be creative without worrying that I might be gay or cannot spell, which apparently are two reasons - according to the book - that people block their creativity. I personally think my creativity has been strangled to death by daily deadlines and the five W's and H. But I haven't written a book on that philosophy, so I guess my opinion doesn't count.

To celebrate my soon to be found, newfound creativity I think we, my little Internet community, should start our own annoying list that can be E-mailed around by newbies to the Internet. (You know, those folks who still believe forwarding a 32MB file that lists every blond joke ever written will be funny to the whole of their address book.) We will call the list something unoriginal like 101 Ways to Find Your Creativity.

Who wants to start? It can't be me because I have no creativity.