Your weekly stalker update

I'm happy to report that downstairs stalker has seemingly made friends with most of the people in this building and the next and thus I don't see much of him. The downside of this is that he has everyone over to his apartment until all hours and they play loud (bad) music and talk even louder. The entire building reeks of cigarette smoke and there is often vomit in the hallway and half-empty cups, which slowly grow mold until I get completely grossed out and throw them away. I know it's seems like I live in a frat house, only the people involved are in their late 40s/early 50s. This seems a small price to pay, however, for my freedom.

The other stalker, however, has stepped up his stalkerness - as if he has to cover both stalker shifts on his on since the neighbor-stalker has slacked off. Most mornings, he's driving his little golf cart by my apartment, picking up nonexistent garbage from the yard. Inevitably when I go out to walk the dog, he finds us. On Thursday or Friday — I can't remember which now — he passed me once and said hello and then circled around and stopped just in front of me and got out of his cart, so I couldn't avoid him. He says, "So are you and your boyfriend still together?"

"Yes."

Disappointed "oh" response and then, "I was just asking because, like, you know, I really like our conversations." [He sounds like someone mocking a California surfer accent.] "They really stick with me." As he said this last part, he sort of tapped his chest where the heart is with his fingers.

My stalkers can't just be scary. No. They have to cheesy too.