Seriously, my voting precinct is the saddest precinct in the whole world. It's a senior center in the ghetto. (I'm not just calling it that, it's officially the ghetto. My nearest neighbors are a drug and alcohol recovery center and public housing.) There's no way to keep the door unlocked so you have to knock on the window (stand on tip toes, force hand between bars) and one of the elderly poll workers hobbles out and opens the door for you. Then you go into a dark, dingy room where people are shocked to see you (well, doubly shocked if you're young and not black, both categories I fall into). Once overcoming their shock, the poll workers lead you on a complicated process of signing multiple documents and directing you to the correct machine.
I can't accurately describe my voting machines to you. But let me start by saying, although they are touch screen, it's not the kind of touch screen you're imagining. These things were the ORIGINAL touch screens, apparently built in 1968 and sister technology to the very first computer ever built. They have curtains that are stiff with starch or maybe decades of cigarette smoke and grime, I'm not really sure. You slip into the voting booth hoping the curtains do not touch you and press the people/issues you are voting for and then hit the giant green VOTE button at the bottom to lock in your decisions. It's really a pretty sad experience, especially knowing what palaces of technology and cleanliness the suburban folk vote in. In my ghetto we are not technologically advanced enough to have hanging chads.
Anyway, there's still time for you to have your own fun poll experience. So, get out and vote, bitches! (Then come and tell me all about it.)
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I'm continually astonished how bad the actual voting situation is outside Louisiana. We've got these crazy butterfly ballots here. Louisiana has electronic voting machines. Given, someone's brother or cousin probably got some huge kickback to build them for the whole state.
I live in a pretty good precinct, but it doesn't diminish the quality of the election workers. Mullets and glaze-eyed retirees as far as the eye can see.
It's a wonder we don't have 50 Florida's.
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