Where, oh where, have all my blog buddies gone?

MARION, Ark. - In the wake of massive holiday food comas and two-week drunks, much of the world's blog production has ground to a halt with content providers eschewing the virtual world for the distractions of the actual world.

"This is almost unheard of. Bloggers are notorious social outcasts and so even holidays, weddings and birthdays will find them in front of their computers, typing out entries in the vain belief someone is reading," industry analyst Roger Elliot said.

News operations, politicians, Geraldo Rivera and others who rely on blogs for the majority of their research are worried about how long the dry spell will last.

"Unless we have another major snow storm or some local folks get caught up in some international tragedies, I'm not sure where we're supposed to get our news without the bloggers," said Steven Mann, station director for WFXY, the local FOX affiliate.

"Actually, if we had some local people caught up in international tragedies we probably wouldn't be able to find out about it without the bloggers."

Although the holidays are being blamed for at least some of the missing entries, industry watchers are hesitant to lay the entire drought at the feet of Christmas cheer.

"The truth is no one knows what's happened to the bloggers," said Mindy Yin, spokeswoman for the Organization for Internet Cooperation and Development. "Sure, some of them maybe have had one too many pieces of fruit cake or are having their stomach pumped after ingesting too many pumpkin soy lattes, but that doesn't explain all of it. After all the holidays come every year."

Alyssa Buck, who blogs as Rey-Ray on the World Piano Monkey Pizza Donut site, says she hasn't posted an entry in "like, days or something."

A die hard blogger, Buck, 16, said she isn't sure what's come over her recently but after spending a year of her life blogging at about 100 hours a week she is feeling burned out and disillusioned.

"I started out to like change the world, I guess. I had all these great ideas and I knew, I just KNEW that if I could get them out there then things would get better. But after a whole year, nothing is different. You could say things are worse. So I just haven't felt like logging in recently. I don't even know what people are discussing on my blog. And I don't even care."

She hopes after the new year she'll be able to return to her blog.

Trading of video game and Hot Pocket stocks were down Thursday on the news of the unofficial blog blackout.

Compiled from our wire services

A Quickie on Wednesday Morning

The ice is finally melting. It is now safe to return to the streets, well as safe as driving and walking in this city can be. After all the idiots are still out there, still running red lights and crossing against the light. But at least they aren't doing it with the added bonus of ice. That's something to be thankful for as we waltz into the new year. Ah, 2006, what joys of global warming will you bring us?

That's all for now. I'll return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Snow = End of the World

It snowed yesterday while I was at work. Well, really it was more of a slushy rain, which hardened overnight and then had a dusting of snow. It's white out there now, but soon the depressing dirt black ice will begin to develop. Anyway, idiots here on the radio were urging everyone to stay home because to leave their homes "they endanger their lives." The police announced that they would only come to accidents if someone was seriously injured or killed or possibly if one person involved was driving drunk because THEY DON'T WANT TO DRIVE IN THIS WEATHER. Emergency personnel do not want to drive in this weather. What is that about? I mean there's probably not even an inch out there. It's snow, people. Snow. Some ice. It's not the friggin' end of the world. Don't drive like idiots and stop freaking out. I'll be really pissed if this keeps me from finishing my Christmas shopping.

Life in a Three Panel World

Despite waking up this morning and coughing up half my lungs, I came to work today thinking, "I'll just finish the two things I'm working on and then I can stay home tomorrow, rest and get better without feeling the guilt of not finishing my work."

Now here we are at the very end of my work day. Let us take stock of what I've accomplished today: I still haven't gotten to the two things I came to work to finish because I had to do a local insert on a national shopping story and I had follow up on an attorney general's lawsuit. I've been assigned another story (potentially an entire package of stories), asked to "flesh out" a second one and then there's a story assigned a few weeks ago that I haven't yet started on. (It was technically due today).

So instead of staying home in bed tomorrow, where I SHOULD be, I'll be dragging my sick ass into work where I'm sure to infect the few sad souls who bothered to come in on Christmas week and where once again I am sure to get many new assignments before even beginning the ones that I've already been given. I fully expect to come in tomorrow and see Catbert sitting on my desk.

I may soon be in need of a lung transplant.

Ba, Blogbug!

For the last few days I have dutifully been ignoring my blog in the hopes it would go away. It would not. It's still here reminding me of how woefully underexciting my life is. Tis the slow season for blogging, I guess, as none of the blogs I visit have been updated in a while. People are too busy doing their holiday shopping and stuffing themselves on pumpkin spice bread and eggnog lattes to write down their adventures. We probably won't get an update until Christmas Day when, driven to madness by their families, the bloggers lock themselves in bedrooms en masse and begin recounting the adventures of the last six weeks. Also, probably our younger bloggers are busy finishing papers and taking tests and all that school business that goes on around this time.

Recently saw a very amusing local "band" called Automusik. We still have nasty, uncooked, sausage at my home that was handed out at the end of the show. I think the boyfriend is waiting for an appropriate dare before frying them up and eating them. He has very questionable food habits.

The holiday party season is upon us, as you well know, and I've been busy dodging the emailed invites from people whose parties I do not want to attend and hoping for invites to the parties I do want to attend. It's a torturous season for me, what with having to fast and being around massive piles of food at the same time. This country is not set up to cater to my dietary needs, you freakish meat eaters! Parties should begin on the holiday and continue for the days following, instead of beginning weeks before the holiday and then having the holiday be a massive emotional let-down after all the weeks of partying. Of course this would do nothing to rid us of the invites to parties we don't want to attend. I'll have to devote myself to solving that problem over the next few weeks.

Meatless Woes

Well it's been pretty quiet around these parts lately. There was an exciting altercation between W* the cat and AB* the dog, but that was short lived and ultimately not as exciting to retell as it was to watch.

It's so sad I can't think of anything going on so I guess I'll just complain about food. There is a serious lack of good vegan options in this town and even the health food stores don't carry milkless chocolate chips. I would also complain that there is a serious lack of vegan recipes/cookbooks and that I have grown extremely weary of rice. I can't believe people eat like this every day. Meat I can live without but cheese and ice cream...soysicle is just not the same.

That said, there are some great no-animals-killed-in-the-making-of-these-desert recipes. I, myself, stick to the cookies and banana bread in my two vegan cookbooks, How It All Vegan and its follow up In The Garden of Vegan. I find the brownies and cakes too dense and they suck all the liquid out of your mouth. But perhaps that's just my cooking skills at play.

But seriously rice is nice but we gotta find something else to fill out our vegan meals. Also, before I go, I have to make my annual comment on the changeling known as the soy bean. It is the most amazing bean ever. How you can create so much from something that grows in the Mississippi Delta is beyond me! If I could a prize to most underrated grown item, it would be the soy bean.

*Names have been initialized to protect the innocent.