Ladies First

I was reading with amusement a story in the New York Times today about gender in regards to service at restaurants. In my experience as a woman, I think it's still fairly common for the waiter/ess to give the bill to the man. It's less common, but definitely not UNcommon for the waiter/ess to take my order before a man's. And I still find, though it's fairly rare, that a waiter (not ever a waitress, though) will pull out the chair for me to sit in. I don't often dine at upscale restaurants, but on the few occasions when I have, I've also had the waiter (and sometimes waitress) put the napkin in my lap.

As a waitress, it has never even occurred to me to do any of those things. I stick the bill between the people at the table and I usually hand them both the menu at the same time.

Part of what peaked my interested in this story, though, was that I went to dinner at Spice (my favorite Thai restaurant in Manhattan - definitely not upscale, but good food and fun) Monday night with TomClancy and the waiter tried to take his order first. TomClancy looked at me and sort of motioned with his head and said (to me), "Go ahead." This amused me.

I don't personally care if the guy orders first. I don't mind if they give the check to the guy, though I am often paying the tab. I feel awkward when people pull my chair back for me, but I also feel awkward when it comes to valet parking and bellboys - all of which I lump into the same category.

TomClancy and I both grew up in the South where manors are very much alive and well and so, though I consider myself a feminist I also kind of like it when a guy holds a door open for me. I'm not like my aunt who sits in the car until her husband comes around and opens the door, but I also don't mind if when we are going into a building a guy opens the door and waits for me to go through.

Anyway, enough about me, back to the article, because what REALLY caught my eye was the following passage:

Certain musty rites — chivalrous from one perspective, chauvinistic from another — have faded or disappeared. It’s a rare restaurant that gives menus without prices to women dining with men. And most restaurants no longer steer the “ladies” toward the banquette, assuming they want to face out toward the room.

THEY USED TO GIVE MENUS TO WOMEN WITHOUT THE PRICES?!!! What the...? That took me completely by surprise. I'd never heard of such thing. Can you even imagine it in modern day? Can you fathom going to a restaurant and there being two different menus? One for women and one for men? Wow. I mean, WOW.